The way in which we lead our lives, the way we behave, how we conduct ourselves in our daily routines is deeply personal. Our habits, foibles, preferences, goals; our personal philosophies, our constants, our boundaries, our prejudices - these are all things we set for ourselves as a result of our many-layered individual circumstances. Genetics, upbringing, environment all play a part. I'd also argue that there's something metaphysical at work too, adding another - supernatural - substrate to who we are and how we live our lives.
Rarely do we discuss such matters with each other. The how of living our lives is private, shut away in our psyches. Why we usually choose to do something this way, rather than that way; we we avoid this or prefer that. Why we set our routines the way we do, and on what matters we are inflexible, and where we'll give ground.
In our discussions, the vast majority of our conversations focus on mundane practicalities, on the banal, casual small talk. Deep attempts to probe the inner workings of our minds as they guide us through life are quickly shut down as being uncomfortable, something left to mental-healthcare professionals if at all.
It is our faults that make us who we are. And so, we tend to avoid such issues for fear of arousing discomfort in our interlocutor. But does it feel uncomfortable to the Ego, or to the Consciousness?
I have argued that comfort is a prerequisite from which spiritual contemplation can begin; if you are not comfortable, you get distracted by that which causes you not to be at ease. So are uncomfortable discussions to be avoided? "You can only grow by stepping outside of your comfort zone" is a management-school mantra. How true is it? Professionally, very true. You will not conquer your fear of public speaking by avoiding it, or of analysing P&L spreadsheets by not learning how to do so. But is this statement true spiritually?
I believe that learning slowly, one learns deeply. The acquisition of truth takes time - and here I'll get metaphysical - the truth dawns on you once you are ready to accept it. Imagining a conversation I'd have with my 25-year-old self, I can see the younger me scoffing at the advice I'd offer him about how best to lead his life. This makes me wonder what advice I'd now reject from a centenarian me. One develops spiritually through the contemplation of germs of truth, these come at the pace we can digest them.
But there is an entire vast cosmos out there to learn, to understand. We cannot hope to grasp more than the tiniest fraction, especially if we are slow learners. And so, I believe, those who - whatever their circumstances - are genuine in their curiosity, those who sincerely wish to grow in wisdom and understanding will get more than one lifetime to do so.
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Lent 2021: Day 40
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