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Wednesday, 4 September 2019

The Long Dark Half-Hour of the Consumerist Soul

"Welcome to Heathrow Terminal 2 & 3. Your all-stations to London Paddington TfL Rail train will be here in 26 minutes. We apologise for what seems an unduly long wait, this is due to priority being given to the non-stop Heathrow Express service which had just transferred you here from Terminal 5, before whizzing the profitable passengers straight through to Central London. Change here for plebeian Hayes, Southall, Hanwell, West Ealing, Ealing Broadway and Acton Mainline. In the meanwhile, please take a second to acquaint yourself with the facilities on the platforms. There are none. You will find here complete rest from consumerism. There are no adverts to gaze at, feeding your desire to purchase. Just the grey concrete tunnel walls of beton brut. And in the passageways, regular admonishments to Use the lift.


While you wait for your train, you may smile and wave at any one of a number of CCTV cameras.


Or you may imagine yourself being on the set of a 1960s episode of Dr Who.


Or you may walk to the end of the long tunnel and peer through gratings at an even longer tunnel, even more devoid of anything. And ponder on why Heathrow has stations called 'Terminals 2 & 3', 'Terminal 4' and 'Terminal 5', but not one called 'Terminal 1'.


And then realise that there is no longer a Terminal 1 at Heathrow.

You may have been in a rush to get off your plane, through Border Control and Terminal 5 to catch the next Heathrow Express to Terminals 2 & 3 and change here for TfL Rail, hungry and thirsty, not wishing to waste time hanging around the airport. Too bad, loser! You missed your chance for any food or drink for the next hour, as there are no facilities at Terminals 2 & 3. No cafes, no bars, no vending machines. Nothing. Toilets? There are none on TfL Rail (pronounced 'Tee Eff Ell Rao' in the vernacular) trains. There are no toilet facilities  at Terminals 2 & 3. You are entirely at the mercy of station staff. If it's off-peak and there's no one around, they may permit you to use their staff toilet and graciously unlock the door for you.

If you are stuck here for nearly half an hour, use the time to contemplate a world without ads, snacks, entertainment or any consumerist pleasures. And mind the gap between the train and the platform edge."

This time last year:
Early-September travel news

This time two years ago:
Fields filling up with houses
[The phantom bus stops are still not connected to bus routes!]

This time nine years ago:
Battle of Britain: Poland's contribution

This time ten years ago:
Sewer under ul. Karczunkowska


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