The human mind has a tendency to stray, to wander off track, to meander. Trains of thought rumble on through your mind, often reaching seemingly random sets of points and diverting onto different lines, calling at different stations. There are trains of thought and then there is the stream of consciousness - the default when the mind is not processing thought, when the mind is freewheeling, like during the moments during which you are falling asleep - or meditating.
Meditation - indeed prayer - requires a degree of focus that is difficult to attain. Whatever you try to exclude from thought has a habit of sneaking back in. Distractions bombard you. Our online life in particular is now plagued by continual attempts to derail our train of thought - to divert onto some other website, to look at this, to buy something, to consider this idea or that.
Clearing the mind requires a great - and conscious - effort.
During this Lent, as for the past few, I have set myself a goal of writing a new post each day. Discipline is called for! If only I could be consistently productive throughout the whole year... And focus - will I be able to get to the end of this post without leaving my laptop to do something else - make myself a tea, answer an email?
I stumble for a minute, I'm lost for a word - my initial reaction is to stand up and go and do something else. But no - I must focus!
Just as the human battle with procrastination is constant and life-long (especially when there's no external deadline), the battle with distraction is hard to win. Your mind will give in to the temptations of instant gratification; loss of focus as another idea pops into your head [what's that plane flying over now? Might be something military, rare - switch on ADS-B Exchange] ...
Meditation requires time consciously set aside. Walking is a good time to meditate, but again there are too many distractions. From overhead planes to barking dogs, speeding cars, progress on the S7, litter - what I'd like to do to the dirty bastard who dumped an old fridge on ulica Nawłocka... emptying my mind is easier in the countryside than in Jeziorki.
At night of late my mind is distracted by the war. I find myself praying for the safety of innocent people, at risk of death, under bombardment because of one lunatic whom God seems unwilling to incapacitate. But then, where was God in Auschwitz - and off goes my mind again, wandering, rather than focusing.
I know I'm getting it right when I feel God's love within - that inner hug, and eyes welling up with tears. This requires a specific state of mind; calm, relaxed, accepting. Even at night, lying in bed, it's difficult. In normal times, I have a tendency to just drop off to sleep. Now, with the anxiety and stress, my mind is racing. I think how awful it must be sleeping in a shelter every night in Kharkiv or Mariupol, how stressful... I can't get back to sleep. So I do the breathing exercise - breathing in... count to seven heartbeats as I fill my lungs - then hold it for seven - then release slowly for seven, and - the hardest bit - keeping lungs empty for the count of seven before slowly refilling them. Repeat seven times, thinking about nothing but the breathing and the count - works every time - but not now.
Daytime meditation works best for me on the działka, in summer, when there's little or no office work; wide awake, consciously aware - but not letting any train of thought depart from the station. Now, I must admit it's not easy. It's particularly difficult at a time of anxiety. Hence the need for comfort in life, to remove sources of discomfort. Would that it were so simple in this case...
This time last year:
The ups and downs of life
This time two years ago:
Seeking a religious symbol with meaning
This time three years ago:
New views
This time four years ago:
Humanity in a Creative Universe: a summary
This time nine years ago:
Always let your conscience be your guide
This time ten years ago:
Lenten recipe with prawns
This time 13 years ago:
Polish economy - recession thwarted
No comments:
Post a Comment