Pain and questions of loss

Rysiek Szydło died last night; the cancer finally got him. Dreadful, dreadful news. Heart-breaking. Rysiek had battled all the way with fortitude, he had documented his journey via social media. His openness made clear to all of us luck enough to have had no such experience in life so far just how it felt - the pain and nausea of regular medical intervention, the worry, and - towards the end - the inevitability. The impending loss of loved ones.

When Rysiek announced that he had cancer, we all thought why? Why Rysiek of all people? He was one of the fittest people I knew, and I've known him from childhood. Cycled everywhere, vegetarian, non-smoker - so why Rysiek?

And metaphysically - why Rysiek? There was not an ounce of bad in him. The massive outpouring of grief on the news of his death is due to the large number of friends he had - no one could ever say one negative thing about him. So why Rysiek?

An exemplary human being, husband and father to three young children, deprived of him decades too early. Just before Christmas. And a contributor to society; Dr Richard Szydlo, Faculty of Medicine, Department of Immunology and Inflammation, Imperial College London. Medical research for the good of mankind, the day job.

Why? Any notion of cosmic fairness can be pitched into the mincer.

Yet another Błękitna Trójka harcerz departs. I make this the tenth death of a boy I knew from my Polish scouting days in West London. Below: Kolonia zuchowa, Stella-Plage, northern France, August 1969; Rysiek (back row, highlighted) then about the same age as his oldest son is now. 

Below: Happy times. Wales, late 1980s or early 1990s, with me on the left, Rysiek smiling as usual, and many friends – I can see Renata, Adam (swigging), Andrzej K, Nick (smoking), Andy S. Photo Ewa C-G.

Below: Rysiek's wedding, Oliwa Cathedral, Gdańsk, June 2012. Over 140 guests, 100 came over from the UK.

He leaves the most positive of memories with all of us who knew him, and all who knew him must also wrestling with the question of why Rysiek, why Rysiek of all people. I really don't know. I am deeply upset.

Memories. Cycling expeditions with Rysiek in the 1980s and '90s - Ridgeway, South Downs Way, Snowdon, Isle of Wight, Picos de Europa, Brecon Beacons and loads of weekend rides around the Chiltern Hills.

Left: Rysiek's infra-red photograph of Jeziorki, taken on 10 May 2010, an image rich in numinous, spiritual depth. The Return to Forever.

[More of Rysiek's infra-red photos of Jeziorki here.]

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