Fractals in time and qualia memories

We know about fractals and their property of self-similarity. For 2D or 3D fractals to demonstrate self-similarity, they must move, and motion requires the fourth dimension – time. This suddenly clicked with me on a walk the other day as I looked up at white clouds moving across a blue sky.

If you can nest shapes within shapes within shapes over time, why can't you do that with qualia memories?

Fractals are definable mathematically. Conscious experiences, however, are not. And I absolutely agree with Nobel laureate Sir Roger Penrose that consciousness is not computable. I arrived at my conclusion not through writing thousands of quadratic equations; Sir Roger's assertion sits right with me. It's what I intuit.

Conjuring smells that conjure memories, memories that spark those memories nested in memories. Fractal patterns of qualia. Memories all the way down. Not memories of events, but memories of states of being. Qualia memories. What it felt like to have been there. No parsing of memories using intellect. Just relishing the pure memory of experiencing being. Memories of wet swimwear on a beach holiday as a child. Memories of lobefins clawing their way up Devonian beaches, seeing the sky from dry land.

I mentioned in my post the day before yesterday the conscious sensation I had, as I recognised as familiar this house in nearby Kozłów. That old feeling, the 'past-life' flashback, or exomnesia moment, the anomalous qualia memory. I ask Google Gemini to turn this photo into a poster in the style of Mid-Century Modern...

Yes! That clicks! Congruence with what I saw and felt. Let's have another go, this time with a photo of my house taken three days ago...

Yes – perfect. I know what brought me here.

The flow.

Sensitivity to those deeper layers of consciousness that grant access to qualia memories, from childhood and before. The memory of a feeling, a sense of having been somewhere – sometime – else, while a child, and feeling it just as strongly now. Connectedness that does not limit my consciousness to my biology.

Gazing at the sky will often act as the trigger. Not a uniformly grey sky on an overcast day, but one with white clouds against a blue sky, with the sun shining. This – in a rural setting – is the most reliable prompt for a flashback for me. These are skies I'd see rarely as a child growing up in West London, nor even on 405-line black-and-white television; they were more often seen by me in books or magazines. And I'd have those moments of recognition. I have been conscious of that before.

This time last year:
A little bit more like autumn

This time four years ago:
Sublime farewell to sunny summer days

This time six years ago:
Warsaw-Wrocław-Warsaw-Kielce-Warsaw

This time 14 years ago:
Moaning about trains again
[Amazing how things have improved on Poland's railways since then!]

This time 15 years ago:
Warsaw streets – Dolna, Polna, Rolna, Smolna, Wolna. Lost?

This time 17 years ago:
Ditches, landscapes, autumn

This time 18 years ago:
Golden autumn in Łazienki park

A Man's Wealth Expressed In Cats

It's been a tough week in Jakubowizna; poor Wenusia had been confined to the house for seven days following her sterilisation procedure. She'd be caterwauling night and day when not sleeping, pawing and clawing at the windows and door, demanding to be let out. To ensure that she'd not felt left out of the fun happening in the garden, I kept the kittens in more than usual. This has resulted in smelly litter trays (all three of them now), the acrid smell of tomcat urine reminding me that the day of the boys' castration gets nearer and nearer. Being cooped up in the house in solidarity with mum also leads to bouts of manic kitten-chasing around the house.

Below: a moment of peace. Crashed out on my bed, from left to right: the glamorous Céleste, Scrapper, awake and alert; Pacyfik, head on his legs; Arcturus showing his white belly (a sign that he feels secure), darling Czestuś, the friendliest of the five, and curled up at the foot of my bed, Wenusia.

Yesterday evening, I checked Wenusia's post-operation scars – they had healed very nicely. She is (and all of her kittens are) healthy, thanks be to God. 

This morning, after returning from my weekly shop in Warka, I decided that Wenusia is well enough to venture outside. Gingerly at first, unable to believe in her new-found freedom, she stepped out, surrounded by her brood. We proceeded down the drive, one human, one cat, five kittens, turning left at the road, and then into the forest next door. 

First port of call was our fallen log, where Wenusia and I used to go before she became pregnant, and where we'd go shortly after she gave birth. She bounded up to me, jumped onto my lap, delighted to be back, and I stroked her for a while, surrounded by all of her kittens. All were clearly happy that mum is back in action. 

Below, left from top to bottom: Céleste on top of the fallen tree's roots; Scrapper and Arcturus looking at what's under the tree, Czester scrambling up, and in the foreground, Pacyfik. Wenusia is observing her kittens from the log on the right.

Left: witnessing such scenes bring me joy. Wenusia (to the right) was not deprived of her biological destiny to have kittens, and here she is with all five of them. Playing together, learning, bonding; this is what feline life should look like. I have the wherewithal to provide them with everything they need for a happy and fulfilled kittenhood.

Below: single-file patrol, led by Pacyfik. Following hesitantly behind is Céleste, then Scrapper (who appears to have second thoughts) and taking up the rear, Arcturus. Czestuś and Wenusia are off the right of frame. It's quite marvellous to see them running, chasing, climbing trees, and staying together as a bonded family unit. I realise I have a broad smile on my face. Such happiness.

I spent about half an hour with them, until one by one all the kittens followed Wenusia through a hole under the fence back into my garden. An excuse for me to slip away and go for my walk.

Below: portrait of a pensive Scrapper, who's quite a character. Quick to slash with his claws, he knows what he wants, and what he doesn't want. First-born and usually the first to dive into the feeding bowl. And yet he means well; he has a good heart. When not fighting, he's happy to groom his siblings and mother (although I have my suspicions where that diagonal scratch across Wenusia's nose came from). He's not a loner (if anyone a loner, that's Arcturus, who's claimed the round cat basket for his exclusive use), he does like being stroked. "Scrapper don't Scrapper don't Scrapper don't Scrapper don't take no mess"

Each kitten emerged from its mother's womb on the same day, and yet they are such different characters. I love them all and could not bear to part with a single one of them. I am mindful, however, that the four boys are due for the snip before all too long.

This time two years ago:
Why Poland can no longer afford PiS

This time three years ago:
A slower, drabber, greener, more local way of life might yet save us all

This time four years ago:
Warka's bi-weekly market

This time five years ago:
How's your samopoczucie?

This time six years ago:

Pavement for Karczunkowska? What's next?
[Still sign of it.]

This time nine years ago
On relevance and irrelevance

This time 11 years ago:
Poland gets anglicised as Britain gets polonised

This time 12 years ago:
Ale, architecture and city politics

This time 13 years ago:
The pros and cons of roadside acoustic screens

This time 14 years ago:
Moaning about trains again
[have you noticed how rare such moans are today?]

This time 16 years ago:
Warsaw street names - Dolna, Polna, Rolna, Wolna, Smolna. Lost?

This time 17 years ago:
Ditches, landscapes, autumn

This time 18 years ago:
Golden autumn in Łazienki park

Early autumn, close up

 Although there's no heatwave going on, the skies can still bring delight when the clouds part. Autumn is most definitely here. This morning started off foggy and damp but the sun managed an appearance, although the temperature failed to break any records, peaking at around 16°C in the mid-afternoon.

Below: a colony of honey fungus (Armillaria mellea, opieńka miodowa). Edible if cooked thoroughly, though I wouldn't chance it.

Below: dew on a cobweb. The whole thing was shimmering in the breeze. Long exposure.

Below: fly agaric mushroom, Amanita muscaria, muchomor czerwony. Do not eat! Toxic!

Below: a group of shaggy ink cap mushrooms (Coprinus comatus, czernidłak kołpakowaty). Various sources online suggests the species is edible; I'll steer clear, thank you.

Below: on the underside of leaves of an oak sapling, four gall apples. These are induced by gall wasps, which lay single eggs in developing leaf buds. The larva's secretions modify the oak bud into the gall, a structure that protects the larva until it metamorphises into an adult wasp.

Below: I pull apart an oak apple to find, as expected, the larva of a gall wasp wriggling around inside.

Below: under a canopy of maple leaves on the footpath running along the border between Machcin II and Gaj Żelechowski.

Below: not a close up, but a photograph from today's walk that I just had to post. New house on the edge of Kozłów. The sky, the clouds, the trees, the house, spark one of those exomnesia flashback anomalous qualia memories. I saw this scene in a book or magazine as a child and I immediately recognised it as familiar, though not from my life. Fractal patterns in time?

This time last year:
Last hot day of the year?
[23°C then, a mere 16°C today]

This time seven years ago:
Warszawa Zachodnia Peron 8 to reopen
[The north entrance to the station, since renamed W-wa Zachodnia Peron 9, was finally opened last month]

This time eight years ago:

Learning to fly (swan pics)

This time 10 years ago:
Scotland's answer to the Hoover Building

This time 12 years ago:
In which I don't vote in the mayoral referendum, thus helping to save HG-W's job

This time 13 years ago:
Gorgeous cars from Czechoslovakia

This time 14 years ago:
Donald Tusk and Co. get re-elected 

This time 15 years ago:
Poland's wonderful bread

This time 16 years ago:
An October Friday in Warsaw

Strengths and weaknesses

 A couple of phone calls and an online meeting yesterday and today made me realise something vital when it comes to our careers.

It is essential to know what you are good at. Objectively, not what you think you are good at.

Having a deep and accurate insight into your own strengths really helps, as well as knowing how those strengths compare to what’s out there on the job market. The corollary is also true – you need to know what you are not good at.

Once you’ve sorted that out – then what?

And this is where I have found (all too late in my career, alas!) what to do. Don’t bother trying to balance out your strengths and weaknesses by working on the latter to pull them up to an average – work on improving those areas at what you excel.

In the autumn of 2024, I initiated an event on the future of HR. I was moderating a panel about the tools used to assess candidates and employees. The research I did showed that the more common test is Myers-Briggs Type Index (MBTI), which I took several years ago. Having learnt that I’m an INTJ (or whatever – I forget), what do I actually do with that knowledge? The scientific community is sceptical about MBTI, Sabine Hossenfelder famously calling it as accurate as astrology.

So before our big HR event, I tried another psychometric test out there, Gallup’s CliftonStrengths, which essentially works by ranking in order one’s innate talents. I found this far more useful, but the ‘then what?’ was followed up by some one-to-one coaching, which I completed early this year.

This is now practical knowledge. It allows me to select projects that I’ll be good at doing, and happy to do. I can reject ones I know I’ll struggle at. 

The CliftonStrengths test itself highlighted to me a couple of talents that I’d never had suspected I was good at. One was connecting people. Because I’m an introvert, I’d hadn’t previously considered myself good at this: “Ah – you really should meet x, they really know this subject” and then an email to introduce and connect them. And I’m better at teamwork than I’d hitherto considered. I can see with whom in the team I work best with, because our strengths complement each other.

Things I knew about myself include being rubbish at execution – organising things, getting people to do things, proactively taking the first step to reach out to people (I am famously reactive, not proactive). And here’s the big lesson: “Don’t beat yourself up over things you’re not good at.” Work on developing your strengths, especially the hidden ones instead. 

First you need to take the test. You have to rattle through it at high speed, not pausing to think too deeply about the question, just intuitively pick which one of two opposing characteristics is more applicable to you. Once done, your strengths are ranked in order. The results can astonish. I found two talents in my top five that I’d not expected, but thinking about them – hey! That really does make sense.

But simply taking the test is not enough. You really need several sessions with a Gallup-accredited coach (I had four sessions) who can talk you through the results so that you reach the right conclusions and optimise your strengths. 

Several months on, the lessons embedded, I feel far more certain as to my strengths, and can deploy them confidently in a business setting. But this is not only about business! The test and the coaching sessions really have helped me frame myself in a more general sense. 

I wish I’d done this earlier in my career!

This time five years ago:
Railway progress, Chynów

This time six years ago:
Radom line progress and promises

This time seven years ago:
A short essay on economic patriotism

This time eight years ago:
Things pass, things go, things remain the same

This time ten years ago:
In search of Wałbrzych's Gold Train

This time 12 years ago:
Warsaw has a new landmark

This time 16 years ago:
Across the Pennines by rail

This time 17 years ago:
Mayhem on PKP

This time 18 years ago:
Sewerage for Jeziorki

Six months on from my heart attack

Things are looking good, healthwise! [I can't allow myself to be complacent, nor to be boastful.] My recent echocardiogram followed by a visit to the cardiologist were very positive. The sonographer who carried out the echocardiogram said that my recovery was one of the fastest he'd seen in my age group, and said that the cause of my heart attack was purely genetic with no lifestyle contributions. The cardiologist described my recovery as 'dramatic' (as in dramatically good!)

And the basis for my optimistic outlook?

"The heart's function is defined by the left ventricular ejection fraction (LVEF) – the percentage of blood volume pumped from the left ventricle during a single contraction," says Google Gemini. "Normal values ​​range from 55% to 70%. Lower values ​​indicate impaired heart function, and values ​​below 30% indicate severe, life-threatening heart failure." 

My LVEF at admission to hospital on 5 April was 34%; by 17 September it had climbed to 65%. The cardiologist said that normal values for healthy men over 65 rarely exceed 67%. So, while praising my recovery, she stressed the importance of medication (which reminds me – I forgot my midday pill, must take).

Quick update on exercises – since my heart attack, I've completely dropped pull-ups, push-ups and weights, focusing on the plank (quality as well as time), averaging over six and half minutes a day in two goes. The back extensions remain, with daily sets on my ZemBordᵀᴹ (six sets of eight), again, more than last year. Walking – current rate is over 12,600 paces a day walked (that's around 10km). That's every day since the New Year. Now that autumn is setting in, I try to get those walks in during the sunniest time of the day, and here the increasingly accurate weather forecasts available on my phone are a great help.

Diet – a lot less cheese, and when I am eating cheese it is white cheese (Balkan-style) which has 13% saturated fat compared to the 21% you get in vintage Cheddar or Parmesan or Roquefort. No sausages or smoked meats of any kind. Duck breast (minus skin) – two portions a week. One new addition, inspired by a current trend, is the poke bowl (or more accurately, poké bowl). This Hawaiian dish is basically rice and fish (tuna or salmon in my version) with several vegetables and Kikkoman poké sauce. Ah yes, and lots of porridge, with nuts and seeds. My alcohol consumption continues to decline as it has done, systematically, since 2014, and once again I will within the NHS guideline limit of 14 units a week this year.

Cats – you will read all sorts of new-agey-type stuff that a cat's purr resonates at some frequency that has healing powers. I put this to Google Gemini: "The mental and cardiovascular health benefits of cats purring: The calming effects of interacting with and listening to a purring cat are more strongly supported in stress and mental health studies:

• Stress and anxiety reduction: petting a cat and listening to its rhythmic purr can help to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol and stimulate the release of 'feel-good' hormones like oxytocin (associated with bonding) and serotonin (associated with mood regulation).
• Lowered blood pressure: The calming effect on the nervous system is linked to a reduction in stress, which in turn can lead to lowered blood pressure and heart rate.
• Reduced risk of heart disease: Some large-scale studies have suggested that cat ownership may be associated with a reduced risk of heart attack and other cardiovascular diseases.
• Pain relief: The psychological comfort and hormonal changes (like the release of endorphins) can provide a sense of well-being that helps alleviate chronic pain and discomfort."

Heart disease, eh? Tell me more... "Cat ownership and the Risk of Fatal Cardiovascular Diseases. Results from the Second National Health and Nutrition Examination Study Mortality Follow-up Study", published in the Journal of Vascular and Interventional Neurology (2009)

Researchers followed 4,400 Americans for 20 years and found that participants with a history of cat ownership had a 37% lower risk of dying from a heart attack compared to those who had never owned a cat, even after adjusting for factors like age, smoking, blood pressure and cholesterol. The protective effect was also observed for death from all cardiovascular diseases (including stroke)."

So – there we are. The purring of six cats will keep me healthy!

This time nine years ago:
How the Tories ceased to be the party of economic liberals

This time 12 years ago:
Goodnight Dżerzi – Janusz Głowacki's book reviewed

This time 13 years ago:
More serious setbacks on Second Metro line construction

This time 15 years ago:
Leonard Cohen in Katowice

This time 17 years ago:
The short-term future of suburban development 

Sterilised.

Well, that's it. Wenusia's back from the vets, sterilised. No more kittens for her. Pregnancy will no longer bother her, nor will rogue tomcats. At least she has fulfilled herself in motherhood, bringing into the world five fine and healthy kittens. Would you believe, she was still breastfeeding them right until the last hours before being taken to the vet, although somewhat grudgingly. On her return home, she would get up on the table and sit with her head hanging down over the edge, not moving at all, just shaking. But after a few hours, she was clearly much better. 

The challenge for me will be keeping Wenusia in the house for another six days. When not sleeping or eating, she is crying to be let out, which I cannot do. And the coming challenge will be sterilising the kittens as they reach six months. The vet has asked me to pop round early in the New Year. 

In the meantime, Wenusia is refusing to let me put on her post-op kaftan, kicking it off at every attempt. But then she is neither licking her wound nor biting at the stitches. Below: this morning (having slept the night in her birthing box. She is now at ease and jumping around everywhere – testament to a strong organism. I examine the stitches – on the surface, it seems that the operation has been carefully and neatly done; very precise work.

Below: this evening. At least six more days inside. The kittens had their fill of sunshine outside this afternoon. While they were out, Wenusia has had some extra-special treats today, including tuna from a jar and Greek yogurt. She has been the perfect mother, but that's that. Just the one shot at motherhood, which worked out marvellously for all concerned. The kittens have been very kind, and not bothering her in the least. And Wenusia continues her habit of letting her children eat first, eating only when the five have had their fill.

Below: neither Scrapper nor Céleste look amused by Czestuś's Elon Musk impression.

Who would have thought that I'd be sharing my 68th birthday with six cats? Quite amazing what life puts your way. They are all wonderful – I could not contemplate parting with a single one of them. 

Below: the way they were, aged three days. From the left we have Arcturus, Pacyfik, Céleste, Scrapper and Czestuś.

Today, at the age of 16 weeks, they are a unit, a tightly knit bunch of pals; they troop around together outside, fighting, playing, grooming one another, eating, sleeping. Such social bonds are there to be preserved. They have (I believe) a quality of life unmatched by, say, an individual cat living its entire life bereft of feline company in a small apartment on the eighth floor, or farm cats, living a semi-ferally without a warm room on a winter’s night or regular food. Are my cats aware of how fortunate they are? Possibly! They are all well-balanced socially, in contact with their human – the same human – since the moment they were born; safe in a familiar environment, they sleep where they were born, they play with their littermates, their mother is around them, and life is good. Bonds unbroken since birth.

UPDATE 5 October: would you believe Wenusia continues to breastfeed? Not all the kittens at the same time, but if one or two approach her and suckle from the top nipples rather than the ones by her operation scars, she will not push them away!

This time last year:
A comfortable life – and then what?

This time two years ago:
The Ego, the Soul and the Individual

This time three years:
In which I reach the Age of Maturity

This time four years ago:
Golden Autumn, Golden Years

This time five years ago:
Last embers of summer

This time six years ago:
It's that Day of the Year again!

This time seven years ago:

Decline and growth

This time eight years ago:
Health at 60

This time ten years ago:
In search of vectors for migrating consciousness

This time 11 years ago:
Slipping from late summer to early autumn

This time 12 years ago:
Turning 56

This time 13 years ago: 
Turning 55 

This time 14 years ago:
Turning 54

This time 15 years ago:
Turning 53

This time 18 years ago:
Turning 50

Compositions in red, green, white and blue

The days are marching. Warmth is escaping back out into the cosmos; the nights bring a light frost. But when the clouds dissipate and the sun shines, beauty is everywhere.

Below: an explosion of colour in my back garden.

Below: bright red creepers run up and down the tall pines in the forest between Jakubowizna and Machcin II.

Below: one of the canonical prospects. Despite recent rain, the land remains parched.

Below: despite the drought, the top-fruit still ripens. It's the height of the apple harvest in the orchards around Chynów, the tractors are pulling trains of wooden crates laden with fruit to the collection points.

Below: approaching Dąbrowa Duża, corduroy fields separated from forest by a sandy track.

Below: approaching Machcin II on my return from Dąbrowa Duża.

Below: it's only quarter past four in the afternoon, but the sun's getting lower and lower in the sky. The forest behind Jakubowizna.

Below: gate guardians – Czestuś and Arcturus await me at the end of the drive, the rest of the gang is chasing my heels. Whenever I return home, the first thing I always do is to feed the cats; they see me as a successful hunter returning from the hunt.

This time time eight years ago:
On the internet, no one knows you're a dog

This time last year:
Low water mark

This time six years ago:
Łódź to Jeziorki by car in four hours
[See how Poland's road network has improved!]

This time sevenyears ago:
What's new on the manor?

This time eight years ago:
The funeral of Tadeusz Lesisz

This time nine years ago:
Socialist realism in the boardroom

Last evenings in shirt-sleeves?

The heatwaves have passed, the nights are getting cold. Yet when the sun shines, it's very pleasant outside – but this is about to change. Temperatures will struggle to get into double digits over the next few days. Golden autumn may well yet return – one can hope! In the meanwhile, I made the most of the reasonable warmth over the weekend, warm enough to venture out in the evening without a jacket.

Below: a slow shutter-speed of a full coal train heading (unusually!) south, taken just before sunset yesterday. 

Below: looking south towards Chynów station in the distance, the sun has set. but the afterglow illuminates the western horizon for a while.

Left: twilit horizon with electricity pole. This is one of my favourite spots for catching sunsets; I hope the rail redevelopment work I wrote about yesterday won't spoil the character of the area around here (between Chynów station and the DK50 main road).

Below: ulica Owocowa, at the Chynów end of my lane. Magic hour approaches its end. This is the Sublime Aesthetic.

Below: I look around one last time before turning into my drive and home. "When the deep purple falls over sleepy garden walls/And the stars begin to flicker in the sky..."

Below: from today's walk; orchard awaiting the fruit pickers, under a fragmentary double rainbow.

Below: I get up closer to the trees to bring together the red apples illuminated by strong sunlight against a rainbow on brooding skies. Photo taken with polarising filter to make the rainbow stand out more.

The downdraft from the approaching rain-clouds signal that I should be heading home, sure enough, 300 metres from my działka it starts pour, and me in my shirtsleeves... 

This time last year:
Anomalous landscapes amid local forest

This time five years ago:

W(h)ither the DK50?

This time six years ago:
A change in the weather

This time seven years ago:
Zamek Topacz classic car museum

This time ten years ago:
Curry comes to Jeziorki

This time 11 years ago:
Why we should all try to use less gas

This time 12 years ago:
Polish supermarket chain advertises on London buses

This time 17 years ago:
Well-shot pheasants