Conscience, consciousness and sensitivity

When I was a teenager, I had an air rifle. One fine summer's day when the cherry tree in the garden was full of fruit, I pointed the gun out of my window at a flock of starlings that had descended to peck at the cherries. I singled one out and pulled the trigger. It fell out of the tree. The rest scattered. 

I went down to inspect the fallen bird lying fatally wounded on the ground. It looked at me, scared, confused, in agony, aware that its life - which had been so wonderful until now - was rapidly draining away. I felt that the dying bird had connected my presence with its plight; it was it accusing me of having taken its life. Or was I being over-sensitive? [Interestingly this piece in the Guardian today asks how birds can have a sense of self without having a neo-cortex in their brains.] 

The memory of my emotion remains so strong that I have been putting off writing this post for about three weeks, finding other things to blog about. 

Since that moment of communion with a dying creature that I had mortally wounded, I have never consciously harmed any creature. Indeed, as I get older and wiser, I am beginning to feel sentience across all life-forms - trees, indeed - even bushes and grass. Scything the lawn outside the działka, I begin with a silent 'I'm sorry' to the grass that will be cut. Pulling out saplings that have grown too close to other, slightly larger, young trees gives me guilt.

Sensitivity is a matter of degree in us humans. Does Putin, for example, suffers from any remorse about killing innocent Ukrainian women and children, ordering the bombardment of residential blocks of flats, letting loose thermobaric rockets on Ukrainian villages (or indeed bombing Syrian hospitals) etc - or is he such an utter sociopath that he lacks the ability to feel guilt or sense of wrong-doing? Indeed, is conscience a biological or social construct?

Conscience is an individual matter, it can be honed or dullened by the people around us. Gang members will feel less bad about their minor misdemeanours than cloistered nuns. 

The sensitive will be more likely to feel that their misdeeds trigger karma - or the nemesis that is triggered by hubris, divine retribution. This is a thought I've been wrestling with for years. The notion that we self-regulate our behaviour in line with our sensitivity. But is there a link between consciousness - the awareness of being aware - and conscience? 

Conscience, says Wikipedia, is a cognitive process that "elicits emotion and rational associations based on an individual's moral philosophy or value system. In common terms, conscience is often described as feelings of remorse when a person commits an act that conflicts with their moral values."

I think there's more to conscience than a reflection of the moral system we have absorbed - it is a far broader link, a binding with the flow of the Universe through our consciousness.

This time last year:
Little annoyances and optimising one's life

This time two years ago:
The 13th thirteenth

This time three years ago:

Ghastly June day in London

This time four years ago:
Perfect weather week in Warsaw

This time five years ago:
Further progress is unimaginable

This time six years ago:
Baletowa reopens as rail works move on

This time nine years ago:
Polish doctors in UK offer new healthcare model

This time 12 years ago:
The closure of the Góra Kalwaria - Pilawa railway link

This time 14 years ago:
My blazing bus pic gets on front page of Gazeta Stołeczna

This time 15 years ago:
Storm clouds rising