Do things tend to be black or white or are they more likely to be nuanced? Something a bit messy, rather than just being one precise answer or solution? Nuance is an important concept to grasp. As is judgment. The sooner you understand these concepts, the faster you will attain mastery, and things start will to click properly into place. And you will learn when to push, when to let go, when to act, when to be silent.
Where does the truth lie? To the left? To the right? Somewhere in the middle? Or wherever it's convenient for you to place it? The answer is most often "it depends on context". Experience, external advice, intelligence and intuition – these are the tools at your disposal. You must use them with precision to guide you through your social interactions. Your experience being limited at first means primarily learning from the mistakes of others. Observation. How do you see others? Others are looking at you.
How to behave? Consciously. Don't charge ahead on impulse. Be mindful. Be in the moment. Recognise what's really happening. Read the faces – try to read the minds – of those around you. Whatever you say or do, as well as whatever you don't say or do, marks you in their eyes for better or for worse. The words you choose in social situations are so vitally important. Do you wish to express sympathy? Do you actually feel that sympathy, or are you conforming to expectations? If you don't feel it – isn't it appropriate to make a show of feeling it? Do you approve or disapprove? How do you signal your disapproval? What is your opinion? Is that really your opinion? Have you tested that opinion? Or are you just repeating something you think sounds clever? Have you checked it for internal contradictions or cognitive dissonance? Have you considered the possible unintended consequences of saying it? Is this just a handbrake on your spontaneity?
How you behave is up to you – to a certain degree. You have personality traits, characteristics, moods over which you have a limited degree of control, especially when young. Risk-taking behaviour. And people will judge. But the most important judge of your behaviour is you. Monitor yourself. A constant feedback loop of "how did that social interaction go? Did I say the right things? Was I too impulsive? Or too withdrawn? Was I in control of my emotions?" Monitor, draw conclusions, determine to improve this or stop doing that, habitualise those behaviours that have a long-term positive effect.
Society is based on trust. You must show behaviour that makes it easier for others to trust you. If they know you and like you, they will trust you – that trust has to be won over the course of many small interactions. Keeping your word, being on time, being agreeable – even in tricky situations. Showing your disapproval in measured ways.
It is, indeed, never too late to mend, but it's better to do so early, iron out those behaviours that can cast you in a negative light to others. If you can fake sincerity, you've got it made.
In the social context this is the difference between being popular and being ignored or avoided. In the professional context it is the difference between being promoted and being sacked. Judgment is hugely important in life. Judge yourself wisely.
This time four years ago:
Memory, collective memory, and proof of memory
This time seven years ago:
And did Her feet...?
This time nine years ago:
40 years ago – Montserrat, holiday that would shape my life
This time ten years ago:
Last night's storm
This time 11 years ago:
Drifting south with the sun - bicycle hobo
This time 13 years ago:
Royal Parks in the rain
This time 14 years ago:
Storm clouds over Warsaw, Dolinka under water
This time 15 ago:
Round-up of pics from Dobra
This time 16 years ago:
Conservatism - UK or Polish style?
This time 17 years ago:
Wheat and development
This time 18 years ago:
A previous visit to London
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment