Friday, 19 December 2025

Letters to an Imaginary Grandson (X)

Whom can you trust? I would argue that having as a default position "trust everyone until it turns out they can't be trusted" is better than "trust no one until you find out that they can be trusted". It is, of course, again a matter of setting the sliders between two extremes, but erring on the side of trust than distrust.

The first position doesn't mean you shouldn't keep your guard up; it just means that you don't unduly waste time and resources checking that someone is trustworthy. 

Start off with the fact that the majority of people are generally of good will and can be trusted. Showing signs of mistrust to someone can be insulting to them.

The percentage of dodgy people in this world isn't overwhelming (even though this differs widely from culture to culture). There are psychopaths, narcissists and Machiavellian types (the so-called 'Dark Triad' of personality); you should learn how to spot these people and avoid them and dealing with them.

The issue of trust is critical to the smooth running (or not) of society. The cost and friction of living and working in a low-trust society came home to me when moving to Poland in the late 1990s. The business community had not yet learnt win-win; transactions were adversarial (one side would win, the other would lose). So armies of lawyers were needed to draft lengthy contracts covering all eventualities in case the business deal went wrong. But over time, as Poles learnt how to navigate the regulated free market, contracts simplified or were just replaced with purchase orders.

Social trust can be tested. Drop a lot of (fake) credit cards and see what percentage is handed in to the bank and what percentage is used in attempts to make a contactless payment. Drop a wallet with contact details inside as well as cash and see whether it's returned, with cash, to its owner. Or simply ask people whether they trust their neighbours. Then there is also institutional trust; typically this is reported in surveys as being much lower than social trust even in high-income democracies. Institutional trust is easier to dent, especially in the age of social media. Politicians on the take – it's easy to cast baseless aspersions. 

Whom do I tend to mistrust? I'd start with salespeople. Especially those on commission. If you are aware of their agenda, and their need to stretch the truth, and you make them aware (even in a lighthearted way) that you are aware, you'll get stung less often. Salespeople are trying to get you to buy things that are of questionable necessity. Companies with dodgy salespeople are ones that engender lower corporate trust. How often do you the consumer read the terms and conditions? If you were to do so scrupulously at every transaction, you'd soon become bogged down in bumph. AI can help here – if you can trust AI. The less shit you want, the less of a target you are for avaricious and lying salespeople.

Build trust among those around you by keeping your word; be punctual, do what you'll say you'll do; do it on time and to a high standard. As a habitual behaviour, this will make you trusted and retained as an employee, contractor or business partner. But give people a reason to distrust you, and the slightest excuse for dispensing with your services will be found. 

Trust is the lubricant that keeps societies ticking over smoothly. When it starts breaking down, societies function poorly, everyone lives in constant fear of being cheated and spends time protecting their interests – doing things they wouldn't need to do in a higher-trust society.

Assess people in terms of whether they can keep their word. If they can't, repeatedly, if they have a tendency to bend the truth, quietly walk away from them.

This time last year:
Deny, distract, dilute (the UK and US drone/UAP flaps)

This time two years ago:
Pain and questions of loss

This time three years ago:
No true beauty without decay

This time four years ago:
James Webb Space Telescope launch

This time six years ago:
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