Sunday, 14 October 2018

Whoops... Clumsy

Clumsiness is not an attractive trait. The clumsy child lacking in coordinated motor skills is prone to systematic bullying at school, all too often instigated by mocking from the teacher.

"Cack-handed": Clumsy; inept. From 'cack', excrement - Wiktionary

"Fajtłapa: butterfingers, klutz (US), loser, deadbeat" - PWN Oxford dictionary.

Note the descent from inability to grasp to being written off as a human being. Being literally, shit-for-hands.

Clumsiness is equated with weakness. The clumsy generally end up at the bottom of the ladder of authority. Few leaders in politics or business are seen with spaghetti-stained shirts. (Though Trump walking up the stairs to Air Force One with a bit of toilet paper stuck to his shoe provoked global hilarity. This was not fake news). Labour leader Ed Miliband's prospects as potential prime minister went down the plughole as he failed to eat a bacon sandwich without looking gauche. A word from French, meaning 'left', as in 'left-handed'.

These are words in Polish I remember from Polish cub scouts (zuchy) and (to a lesser extent) Polish Saturday school, regularly used to denote children with less-than-perfect motor coordination: ciamajda; gamoń; niedołęga; niedorajda; niezdara; noga; oferma; ofiara; safanduła; ślamazara; trąba. Stanisławski and PWN Oxford both show an overlap between being clumsy and being slow; slowcoach being another English primary school word I recall my teachers using along with butterfingers. Though in English these words tend to be used affectionately, rather than chidingly.

Clumsiness is a source of comedy; viewers find it amusing to watch people behaving in a clumsy, inept or gauche manner. It is still not considered politically incorrect to laugh at others' clumsiness. Much comedy derives from this (from Stan Laurel to Mr Bean and Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em).

Wikipedia directs the words 'clumsy' and 'clumsiness' to either Developmental coordination disorder or Accident-proneness. Both are too strong to define everyday clumsiness, which we observe in those around us and indeed, in ourselves.

Clumsiness has a number of causes; in my case (never too bad, never a defining characteristic) it was physical (my left eye has always been far weaker than the right one, leading to poor hand-eye coordination; secondly a lack of focus (my mind usually being somewhere else rather than on the task in hand). Not being present in the moment; absent-minded. On autopilot rather than demonstrating total situational awareness. Another life-long problem I have is the inability to instinctively tell left from right; I have to concentrate and think for a split-second before telling the driver, authoritatively, to turn left. So often I mean 'turn left' but I end up saying 'turn right' or vice versa.

The other day, while excitedly ripping open the polythene bag wrapper of The Economist, I dropped the magazine into a full bowl of cat food. Fajtłapa! No harm done, a few minutes spent cleaning the pages and then reading a gravy-stained magazine for a week. But - a timely warning.

Bumble... stumble... mumble...

In the bus, not thinking about anything in general, bumbling around, bus surges forward/stops suddenly, fail to grasp a hand-hold, stumble into someone, mumble an apology... Need this be the human condition?

Clumsiness is an issue for an ageing population. Minor accidents caused by a wrongly placed foot or a missed grasp can lead to hospitalisation and long-term health issues. In England, the National Health Service has invested in an app designed to help carers reduce the number of hospital beds taken up by old folk with broken hips - the biggest single cause of hospitalisation. The app helps identify trip hazards around the house and in one's daily routine. Prevention rather than cure, raising awareness - indeed - awareness of awareness. Investment in such programmes makes sound sense for public healthcare policy.

My personal approach is one of raised consciousness, seeing it coming and being prepared. Think, think, think. Ladders, tools, lifting, climbing, jumping; coordination requires more focus with age.

Far Eastern societies schooled the clumsiness out of children; unfocused action would be punished with a cane across the back. 

"A movement is accomplished in six stages/and the seventh brings return." "Change returns success/Going and coming without error." So sang Syd Barrett (Chapter 24 from Pink Floyd's first album, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn, referring to the 24th chapter of the I Ching). Do, but think about what you're doing. Don't do things on autopilot; consider.

In Western culture too, "Quidquid agis, prudenter agas et respice finem." Whatever you do, do it with intelligence and with the end in mind, as my late mother used to say.

This time two years ago:
Mystical experiences at 37,000ft

This time three:
The staggeringly high cost of tax collection in Poland

This time seven years ago 
One stop beyond

This time eight years ago:
Who am I? (Kim ja jestem?)

This time nine years ago:
First snow, 2009. Ghastly!

This time ten years ago:
Train links to town improving

This time 11 years ago:
A beautiful Sunday, south of Warsaw

2 comments:

Helena said...

Amazing-I know none of these derogatory words ,certainly never having come across them in zuchy,Polska szkola or harcerstwo.I do call my kids’fajtlapa ‘ though.

Michael Dembinski said...

@ Helena,

The list I found online was twice as long; I only mentioned those words that I clearly remember being used, on account of being used frequently. Thinking about it, they were probably more often used in harcerstwo than zuchy, but my first contact with them was in zuchy.

I missed mańkut, the derogatory term for left-handed ('cack-handed') person.