In my father's final years, I'd observe him catching sight of himself in the mirror and seeing an old man, bent and frail. He'd try to straighten his back. He'd look at himself again, as if realising the inevitability of human physical decline. Yet he'd never fall into despondency, maintaining a cheerful disposition.
Some people slide into old age with resignation; others try to fight it, or complain, or rage ineffectually against the physical hardships it brings. And as you age, your appearance diverges further and further from the human ideal. Some people will go to great lengths to maintain a youthful appearance, raising sly chuckles. Others will let themselves go, causing visual and olfactory discomfort to others. A balance far from each extreme needs to be struck.
My father had the right answer - decouple the ego and its home, the human body, from the consciousness, the human spirit.
He was rarely down. His mind was always curious and observant; he'd read, do small home-maintenance tasks, work in the garden and stay up to date with current affairs. He was secure of his place in the heavens, a Universe of stars. Church-going helped; although he took Holy Communion each week, he never talked about his faith, which I guess was his and his alone.
My father gave me a clear (though unspoken) lesson as to living out one's later years. Focus on the inner being, the awareness within, and distance yourself from the shallow ego. Our 'shell of foam' is short-lived; consciousness - like atoms - eternal.
I am also minded of the opening of the Coen brothers' film A Serious Man: "Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you." Ageing is something that happens to all of us. Accept it with equanimity.
How we age is down to factors of our own choosing - diet, exercise, lifestyle - and external factors - genes, environment, circumstances over which we have no control. Recent studies on telomeres (the caps at the ends of each stand of DNA in our bodies) conducted on twins, suggest that avoiding stress is the biggest single factor that determines quality of life. [This is worth watching.]
"Not to autumn will I yield/Not to winter even!*" The body will yield; the spirit not.
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| My father with my daughter, Ealing, September 1994 - more than a quarter-century of life ahead of him. |
*The Vagabond, from Robert Louis Stevenson's Songs of Travel.
This time last year:
Getting there
What's new around Jeziorki
This time six years ago:
Hydrology - droughts, floods and sandbanks
This time eight years ago:
Radom air show - Part 1
This time nine years ago:
Restricting passenger movement and safety
This time ten years ago:
Seasonal fruit - eat it in bulk, while you can!
This time 12 years ago:
Russia-Polish 'unification', 1939-style
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