The Devil is indeed in doubt

Lent 2016: Day 13

There are three possibilities: No God, no afterlife - nothing. Just a universe of atoms, a few of which happened to combine to create sentient life. Consciousness is the product of mere coincidence, and once the living being that hosts it is dead - it is snuffed out for good. No point looking for meaning; it's all just random circumstance.

Possibility number two: God exists as per the Scriptures, believe in Him (for He is male, according to the Scriptures), live according to His precepts, as handed down to you directly as the Word of God, and you will be rewarded in a heaven that is not of this material universe, for ever more. On shot at redemption.

Possibility number three: We don't know. Maybe the third possibility is that the number of possibilities is endless. This is what we seek. We want to know. We read, we ask, we talk, we experience. We learn, we grow, we evolve spiritually.

Today was a day when the devil visited with doubt. "It's all rubbish. No afterlife, no spiritual growth, no evolution, just better days and worse days. Better years and worse years". Possibility number one - no God, no afterlife, nothing. Pointless. Bad news heaped upon bad news (Putin-Trump-Brexit-Syria-etc), too much work (a 12 hour working day today after the second weekend working in a row), stress, another day of rotten weather; to rainy for a proper walk.

It's at times like this that I have to tell myself not to despair, don't abandon the search. Refine it, Meditate upon it. Reach out to that which is elevated. Pray - ask - listen. And when that familiar anomalous memory hits me (entering the lift to my office - suddenly it was 1954 once again), and when good happens rather than bad - things are back on track.

Revelation will not come in one shining moment of epiphany. Rather, it is something that builds, becomes more sophisticated, understanding becomes slowly clearer, like a fog very gradually lifting, like a complex shape that takes on definition - but over a long period of time.

This time last year:
Are you aware of your consciousness?

This time three years ago:
"Why are all the good historians British?"

This time four years ago:
Central Warsaw, evening rush-hour

This time five years ago:
Cold and getting colder

This time seven years ago:
Uwaga! Sople!

This time eight years ago:
Ul. Poloneza at its worst