On-spectrum asks

If there's one thing I dread doing, it's asking someone I don't know to do something for me. I could never have been a salesman. "Can I ask a favour of you?" is something I don't remember asking anyone.

I don't mind asking colleagues at work to do something for me, because I know they know that I'll do something for them - we work together as a team. Reciprocity, win-win. 

But strangers? Always difficult. 'Refusal often offends'. Indeed. I can take it personally if I'm refused or misunderstood. Arranging meetings, for example with someone I've never met is challenging. But if a colleague does it for me, and asks me to join - I will join and I'll give 100% at that meeting. 

I wrote recently about my self-diagnosis of being slightly on the Asperger's spectrum. Ever so slightly. I have some but not all of the traits associated with this personality disorder.

I was reminded the other day of the time when, as a five-year old, my father took me to a Christmas party organised by his firm for employees' children. Once he'd seen that I had settled in and was getting on OK, he went off for a short walk. On his return, he was amazed to see me on stage, alone, singing Away in a Manger. To a roomful of strangers, you will understand. Neither am I fazed by appearing on TV or radio, nor by public speaking. One-to-many is not a problem for me.

Yet one-to-one, picking up the phone, cold-calling, even if it's to ask a craftsman for a quote or to a call centre to sort out some issue - is something I feel very uncomfortable about. 

And for some reason, having to do so in Polish makes it even worse. Załatwiać sprawę - 'to sort something out', 'to simplify the case' isn't easy - I feel awkward, I feel I'm imposing, even if I have every right to do so. I do find, however, in Polish, the formulation "Niech mi Pan powie..." helps to achieve this goal. Untranslatable directly into English (niech means 'let'), this is not an imperative command like powiedz mi or powie mi Pan/Pani, but an arms-length request that is nevertheless direct.

The internet makes things easier, chatbots in particular. A chatbot can never reciprocate by asking me to do something for it. Even when chatting with ChatGPT, I find myself couching my questions politely, and then thanking it for giving me the answer.

I could never have become a salesman - nor the manager of a large team where I'd be asking people I don't personally know to do things that I'm not happy doing myself, like selling things to people whom I know neither want nor need them. However, I grudgingly admire those with the personality to expect others to do as they say - the Ladder of Authority. This suggests an evolutionary disadvantage to being on-spectrum, but then our modern world confers social rewards to those who can focus productively.

In hunter-gatherer days, the flint-knapper who sat silently sharpening the best arrowheads and knife blades was a valued member of the tribe. It was the onset of agriculture that first created hierarchy, with the Big Man ordering everybody else about. The industrial revolution created a need for engineers, to whom the Big Man had to defer - and so it is in our information age. The Big Man (or indeed Woman) is no one without a team of assorted tech geeks on side. Getting them and keeping them on side is hard work! Certainly thumping fists and yelling no longer works.

The slow realisation of late-onset Asperger's is also affecting my thinking on matters spiritual. We are all different, we have our behavioural traits that align with one personality disorder spectrum or another. How does this affect the way we perceive life and reality? Does this neurodiversity mean there cannot be one pathway to God (however we want to see God)? Do our diverse personality disorders give rise to myriad forms of cognitive bias that preclude any objective truth?

This time last year:
Ego, Consciousness and the Ladder of Authority

This time two years ago:
Trains and snowy days

This time three years ago:
"I wake up at five and queue for bread and soup"

This time four years ago:
Getting over this year's flu

This time five years ago:
War and the absence of war

This time seven years ago:
Sensitivity to spiritual evolution

This time eight years ago:
75th anniversary of Stalin's deportations of Poles

This time nine years ago:
Peak Car (in western Europe at least)

This time ten years ago:
Pavement for Karczunkowska NOW!
[I still have to walk through mud or snow dodge speeding drivers!]

This time 11 years ago:
Until the Vistula freezes over 

This time 12 years ago:
Of sunshine, birdsong and wet socks