Wednesday 17 April 2019
Helping others? Couldn't hurt
Lent 2019: day 43
Six weeks gone, three days to go. Another Lent is coming to an end, and while I will have succeeded in forswearing the usual meat and drink, and to a lesser extent spent time contemplating the Infinite and Eternal, it occurred to me that helping people is not something I'm good at.
I expect nothing from others, if an unexpected kindness is bestowed upon me, I am grateful - but I don't go out of my way to try to solve other people's problems. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I'm introverted. Giving money to charity has never been easier - just transfer cash from my account to that of a needy cause - yet I do too little of this.
In my 28 Lents, not once has it occurred to me to use this period to help others more, to measure my charitable output in the same way that I note alcohol-free days and exercises in a spreadsheet. Yet do I feel the need to? Well, not really - the will to help others, the desire - the need - is not there within me. Should it be? I feel no guilt about it, so maybe not.
"Or maybe I'm supposed to help people generally lead a more righteous life? Is the answer in Kabbalah? In Torah? Or is there even a question? Tell me, Rabbi, what can such a sign... mean?"
"Look. The teeth - we don't know. A sign from Hashem? Don't know. Helping others? Couldn't hurt."
This time two years ago:
Local ornithology
This three years ago:
How To Spend It - or not.
This time four years ago:
Blossomtime sublime
This time seven years ago:
Novotel Forum clad in Orange
This time eight years ago:
Prophesies
This time nine years ago:
Icelandic volcano shuts down NW Europe air traffic
This time 11 years ago:
Large, charismatic fowl
This time 12 years ago:
Antonov An-26 in the twilight of its career
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6 comments:
An oddly revealing, yet unsettling post. Don’t we feel better about ourselves when we help someone in need?
When we can compassionately step into some unfortunate person’s shoes and say “I have been where you are and I can help you”.
Isn’t our empathy for one another (even a stranger) a more important Lenten theme than denying ourselves the small luxuries of our daily existence? Who benefits from that?
@ Anonymous
You are absolutely right. 'Unsettling' is the word. Unsettling, because it took me 28 years to get here. And yet... and yet. I look within and am I chilled by my lack of empathy for others? No is the short answer - and why is that? Genetics, upbringing, światopogląd / weltanschauung?
I phrase it well "I have been where you are and I can help you." I cannot say that I have been there. Is that down to my luck, or judgment that I have avoided the lower depths?
Many thanks for posting this comment - it is the most profound one posted here in years. I'd be grateful for a follow-up - this could turn into a useful dialogue!
You comment that “I have avoided the lower depths”. No personal losses, no relationship problems, no employment problems, no financial problems? No moments of despair? Ever?
You are one lucky guy - or are deluding yourself. No one on earth escapes suffering. Some will suffer more than others. Unfair, but true.
Life is a series of peaks and valleys. When we reach out to a person, who is in the midst of a valley, and offer an ear, or cook a meal, or just silently hold a hand, we offer an immeasurable good. When we share in another’s sadness, misery or grief, we experience our humanity.
Anonymous:
Many thanks for replying!
"You comment that “I have avoided the lower depths”. No personal losses, no relationship problems, no employment problems, no financial problems? No moments of despair? Ever?"
Well, in the perspective of now, no. Nothing that I ever felt the need to reach out to someone, nothing that I ever felt was beyond my ability to cope with. Maybe I saw such cris de coeurs as weakness - not wishing to burden anyone with my own uncertainties...
"You are one lucky guy - or are deluding yourself." I'd go for luck rather than delusion; managed luck (as wrote a few days ago). Suffering - real suffering - is something I have seen on TV - famines, disasters - homes and loved ones lost to fires, floods or war. No, I have been very fortunate - something I'm profoundly aware of and grateful for. On a daily basis. One should never become complacent about the luck that comes one's way.
" When we reach out to a person, who is in the midst of a valley, and offer an ear, or cook a meal, or just silently hold a hand, we offer an immeasurable good. When we share in another’s sadness, misery or grief, we experience our humanity." Generally, I'd agree. These are beautiful words that indeed reflect your humanity. Maybe I should indeed strive to do more to help others.
Not wishing to burden anyone with your uncertainties, or not being able to express vulnerability? Two very different concepts.
Both very real though. To what extent is altruism a function of upbringing? I can see it as an 'alpha' characteristic - wanting to get involved to solve other people's issues. I'm beginning to see, through this fascinating dialogue, some psychological dimensions emerging here...
This is getting interesting - others helping me see why I'm not helping others!
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