Finding the balance between pushing yourself too hard and taking it too easy is extraordinarily difficult. If you believe that life is a competition, a rat-race in which to win you have to show more baubles than the next man or woman - in my books - you've lost. You are a materialist, you are człowiek który się nie zastanawia - the person who contemplates not. The mammalian ladder of authority, the innate struggle to show who's top dog, who's higher up the pecking order, is a false driver.
The spiritually important driver is the life-long quest for understanding; working out for yourself why you exist. Dial down the ego on the dimmer switch, set the slider towards consciousness.
Pushing myself on this journey means facing up to guilt when I fail to live up to my own ambitions. Yesterday, I did only four out of my seven routine sets of exercises, and walked a thousand paces less than my target - but ticked off everything on my to-do list, which was rather long. So I have an excuse. But I could have always squeezed in more, had I procrastinated less... Physical exercises are only part of equation, I do them for health and longevity. What did I learn yesterday? That's the more important question.
Writing it down I now acknowledge as being extremely important. Were I to tabulate my own religious practices into a set of Commandments or Mitzvot, this would be one of them. From the daily morning routine of creating to-do list, to recording my dreams as I wake, to jotting interesting insights as I get them in my notebook, to blogging and tweeting - if it's committed to paper or to the web, it's a step forward. An edited photo or film footage uploaded and shared is also an important digital footprint. I can return and check progress.
As I wrote last summer, and indeed in the summer of 2020, the long, hot days of June, July and August are the year's reward, the time we've been looking forward to all winter. And when summer arrives, it can be a bit of an anti-climax, especially if the weather's disappointing. Which is why perfect blue-sky days should be treated with respect - if you know one's coming, or a spell of fine weather, plan for it, do something, make the most of what you've been gifted. Don't procrastinate until half past three.
Taking it too easy during the summer months brings on those guilt pangs. I feel I must be doing, optimising my time, travelling, writing, doing something different. And as I wrote yesterday, summer is not devoid of its spiritual moments.
Finding the balance between rigor and luz (expressed more neatly in Polish!) I would set the slider much further along the scale towards rigor, with luz being in the form of rest as consciously distinct from idleness, dithering and time-wasting. Rest to get back into the swing of work during the autumn and run-up to Christmas. Then the wait for Easter - then Rebirth - and then soft summer to recharge batteries once more.
You owe it to yourself to fulfil your human purpose; you owe it to the miracle of your existence. Push yourself that bit harder, and yes, feel the guilt when you don't!
This time two years ago:
From Zero to One
This time three years ago:
Childhood memory flashback
This time six years ago:
In which I learn to speak
This time nine years ago:
Sunshine and snow, Łazienki
This time 12 years ago:
Wealth and (social) mobility
This time 13 years ago:
Six weeks into Lent
This time 14 years ago:
Foggy morn in Jeziorki
This time 15 years ago:
Sixteen poplars
[just ten left standing today]
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